Uganda’s Presidential Candidates as High School Students.
Museveni – The rich bully with an arrogant attitude. Always boasting about his new shoes. The only student with a mobile phone in school. His parents send teachers a weekly bribe higher than their salary so he’s always top of the class. Struggles with Kleptomania & Self Esteem.
Tumukunde – Was once close with the rich bully but was thrown out the day he stole Milk Biscuits & juice from the rich kid. Comes to school with no grab. Can’t perform well because he doesn’t have textbooks or a maths set. The only kid in school who smokes but no one knows it.
Katumba – The unofficial comedian of the school. A friendly lad who’s loved by everyone and is generally great to hang with. Often dodges classes to hide behind the School kitchen with a few others, cracking jokes & coining nicknames for teachers. Not interested in studies.
Bobi Wine – The Gangster of the school. Strangely, a friend of the bullied. Often starts fights with bullies so he can knock their teeth in. Is dating the HM’s daughter & usually holds hands with her after classes. Notorious for dodging classes but still manages to perform well.
Mayambala – Very introverted young lad who fears crowds, is afraid of teachers & prefers to come in quietly & leave quietly. Never raises his hand in class to ask or answer a Qn. Talented woodball player but no one cares for it because there is no woodball in the school anyway.
Muntu – Best-dressed lad in school. Will beat you to a pulp if you step on his shoe or spill anything on his uniform. Was born in France but his parents moved to Uganda. Has textbooks for all subjects, except they’re all in French & the syllabus is different. Has a French Accent.
Kabuleta – Narrates movies & tells stories at the back of the class. Says he has rich parents – no one has ever seen them. Wears the same uniform the whole term, claims it is a tribal thing he must abide by. Loves to taunt bullies but runs away as soon as they demand a fight.
Amuriat – Comes from a poor background & genuinely wants to make it. Sold his shoes to buy textbooks & a maths set – both were stolen by the Kleptomaniac student. Once got a suspension for writing ‘Never Forget POA’ on the back of all Library books. Claimed he was framed.
Mao – Brilliant fella who’s hated by teachers because he’s often a wiseass – correcting their grammar & whatnot. Will confidently walk into an exam without reading & still ace it. Can’t take part in sports because he’s short, clumsy & awkward. Still pees on the bed at night.
Nancy Kalembe – Only student who loves going to the staffroom because all teachers are her friends. Brilliant & intelligent. Has no friends because she’s a certified snitch. Her only friend is Posha, a toad she keeps behind the girls’ toilet. Often dodges classes to feed Posha.
Fred Mwesigye – The son of the school nurse. Spends most of his free time in the sickbay, helping his Mom. Most people just know him as a sickbay guy & are unaware that he’s actually studying in the same school. Chairman of the Health Club which has 1 member – himself.